Mar. 7th, 2016

llyrafantasyfae: (poison ivy)
This semester has been the most tiring so far. I won't say the hardest because that wouldn't be true. But tiring yes. I seldom get to bed before midnight and am up between 6 and 7:30. I'm the type that needs 8 solid hours to function properly. I get less sleep on a regular basis, either due to insomnia/stress or just life, but it will start messing with my moods. I've seen some of that already. I'm more emotional. Things that shouldn't affect me are and I'm more irritable. I keep reminding myself that it won't last forever. This is the last semester of this until the nursing school picks me up. I don't wan to jinx myself by predicting how hard or easy that will be but this is the last semester of regular classes that will have any difficulty. At the end of this semester, I will have 2 extra AA degrees. It will be worth it.
So this semester I am taking 5 classes. 2 Psychs. Human Sexuality and Intro to counseling. So far they have been 'eh on the interesting scale. I am a little excited about the paper topic I got approved for in Intro to counseling. I took the teacher before and wrote about Failure to Thrive. I am going to expand on that paper and write about Reactive Attachment Disorder and Attachment Therapy. ASL is okay. I think I choose the wrong teacher though. He is a hearing man from a Deaf family. So he knows his stuff, but gets so caught up in telling us about Deaf culture and the injustices done to the Deaf community. I think he would be a great teacher to take Deaf culture classes with, but I haven't learnt a lot of ASL so far this semester, which is what I am suppose to be learning. Trig has been... trig.... Its a math. You guys know how much I 'love' math. But to be fair it hasn't been to bad.*knock on wood* It doesn't come easy. I have to put the hours into the homework, but I'm getting it.
I am taking another Photography class. Its camera and composition, so the focus of the class is different. Our first assignment was Photograms. They were intersting but frustrating. I forsee that being the theme for this class for me. LOTS and LOTS of frustration. But its a good frustration. I get to be creative, stretch my current boundaries. I like that kind of frustration. Its worth it in the end. The current assignment is pinhole cameras. I have ideas... We'll see if they come out the way I want them to. I've also been playing with some ideas for future shoots. I really want to do some implied nudity shots. I don't want anything resembling a playboy bunny shoot. But I am really really considering something that is more sensual. I've seen some really beautiful stuff, when you get the lighting right and poses right. It would stretch my boundaries as a model but also my creative side. If I could toss in some historical or cosplay stuff into it also. Like I said I have ideas... I've tossed it around enough in my head that I've even brought it up to the hubby. My rule has always been I won't do anythng that I wouldn't be comfortable bringing up or showing to my husband and/or father. Of course I wished I was skinnier. And would probably try and lose more and tone up before I commit to this idea. But I am truely entertaining the thought.  Not sure how many are reading all of this and not just skimming it. But would love ideas/opinions.
I have been wanting to sew very very badly. I have lots of creative ideas.  CADD is running rampant. But I haven't been doing a lot of sewing. I tried to complete my GoT dress for Long Beach Comic Expo. But the collar on it is being all sorts of wonky. Stupid V neck bias nonsense. I'm not 100% sure how to fix it. And I just don't have the brainpower or will to figure it out. That and when I took it in I may have taken it in to much and the collar opens extremely low in the front unless I pull it closed further, But when I do that it pulls oddly across the chest. Its probaly just a bad fit now but I've put so much work into it I don't want give up. I have a feeling its going to be one of those costumes I always hate. I want to try and finish it before WonderCon. If I can find time. I was also asked to try and change my Burlesque Captain America into a Steampunk Captain America. I have a few ideas. I don't think they would be to hard to finish. If the exhaustion of the week doesn't take over that is.
Faire season is coming up. I've been advised by the Hubby to not overwhelm myself. I am so tired already if I give up my weekends also he thinks I am going to have a complete break. Last year I got sick because I pushed myself. He thinks this year will be worse. I'm sad to admit I think he's right. Even if he wasn't I'm not sure how many weekends we can afford for me to go. *sigh* This is one of those things that even though I know he is right it makes me sad to admit it. I get teary eyed everytime I think about it or talk about it. I hate having to admit it and then having to tell my guild that I am a loser who can't commit to the full season. Logically I know its the best decision, but still I get emotional.
I know there is some depression looming over me because of the lack of desire to do anything. I've been tossing between I want to sew ALL the things and create things and take awsome pictures, then to not wanting to do anyting. It gets bad enough that I consider giving up on everything. Like I will have the panic thought that it is less than 5 months until CoCo and what do I have new thats worth me wearing. Then I get nasty thoughts of just not going to CoCo, its not like I am that good anyway. So far I have been good about catching myself and usually going to bed. But I know that is the start of my depression spiral. I just have to try really hard to not fall into it.
Well its midnight. I should get myself to bed so I can start another week. I'll leave you with a couple of pictures I took this weekend. We took a trip out to Death Valley to see the Super Bloom that was happening there. I wanted to take some pics with the pinhole camera but these are on my phone and then I played with filters.

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August 2017

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