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Nov. 23rd, 2017 12:12 amI haven't posted in 3 months. Life just became nuts. One of the big reason is the same one you guys keep hearing. School. 3rd semester is almost complete. Just a few days over 2 weeks left. I am going to have to study my ass off to try and keep this A. Guys, I have an A in Nursing school! In Med/Surg even. But I also have a test and a final left. It could go very very wrong between now and the end of the semester.
I've been meaning to post sooner, or even just read and comment. I came back today because I read Merja's post over on Facebook. I miss you guys. I know I can't help come up with a solution, or even really complain if I'm not willing to try and post more myself. That and I miss people. I also like being able to go back and look at things, my thoughts. I'll try and sum up the past 3 months. Its been a doozy.
In July my husband's father sold a piece of property and got a stupid amount of money for it. Well with stupid amount of money you have to reinvest it or you pay a tax of something like half of it. He bought another piece of property, put a large down payment on hubby's sister's new house and told the hubby to look for property. His catch. It couldn't be in California City, the city we were currently in. Because only meth heads and racist live in my town..... ummm okay.... Mind you this is my hometown (as much as a military brat can have one). I live there. My parents live there, and so does my youngest brother. Small town, yes. Crime has gone up a bit as the city has gotten bigger, but it is not some crime filled place. I grumble a bit, but Tehachapi, a town 45 mins away into the mountains has been in the hubby's and I 10 year plan. This will speed things up. I ask if it can wait for my winter break because I really don't need that kind of stress. Nope... it has to be done within 45 days, or he pays that tax. :(
We go to look at houses and the father in law has to be there. And he keeps making comments. Like at least this house doesn't have bars on the windows. WTF! My current house doesn't have bars on the windows. All of this really upsets me because I don't understand why he is looking down so much on where I live. I know I didn't come from a lot of money. I'm cool with that. I've earned every last thing I have. I'm proud of every last accomplishment I have. And frankly I don't need your handout. You can take your house and shove it. Except I can't say that....
And his dad started giving the hubby different numbers. One set of numbers gives us a very nice house in Tehachapi. The other number would be a smaller house than the one I have in Cal city. Why would I go through the stress of moving for a smaller house. Who cares if its in Tehachapi its a smaller house. Except the fact that we are in crime filled needing bars on the windows crap town..... I have the hubby convinced to walk away from the deal. He goes down to talk to his dad and finally we get the whole story.
He took out a loan to finish paying off the original property. The money he got from the sell could not be reinvested in original property, it all had to be in new property. So he had to reinvest $350k still or be taxed, but he only had $200k He needed us to take out a loan and make up the difference. I still don't want to play. I don't trust the man to want to go into any business deal with him, especially if he's not going to be honest from the start. And there's a new catch. My name can't be on it. I'm a gold digger. I walk around like I'm entitled and arrogant. If his dad could have his way I wouldn't be allowed to move into the house. Every insecurity I have is brought out. He even goes as far as to say if the hubby dies I will be on the street. But hubby sees it as a great opportunity. We go around and around. I have never doubted him or our relationship more, and sadly its not so much him but his dad.
We move forward with buying the house. Hubby tries his best to make me feel safe and secure. I'd be lying if I said I was in anyway 100% there. Buying a house is stressful under the best of situations. Nursing school is stressful under the best of situations. I have no clue how I've managed both. Somehow I managed an A in my Psych rotation and I am currently standing at an A in the 2nd Med/Surg. But I'm not sleeping, and I cry a lot. I keep getting told to be grateful, that I have a beautiful house. I can't explain how much I want to just scream at them to shut up. I get that this house is great. But its unsettling to feel like it can all disappear. That none of its mine. Doesn't matter how great it is, when you never feel like you're at home, or that you belong.
I don't know how to make the feeling go away. I don't know if its just a time thing and it blow over. A hard part in our marriage that we can tell the kids about. Laugh about their racist asshole of a grandfather. I know some of it is my own insecurities, but they stem from somewhere. UGH.....
My goal for December is to set up the new sewing room and an office/studio. Maybe when I finally have my own space in the house I will feel better. I no longer have a space in the living room which is where I use to sew. I would watch TV or the hubby playing video games and sew on the machine. The new house is bigger but the living room is shaped different so no good place to set up my table. (which upset me because I felt like again I wasn't meant to be here.) The new sewing room is also smaller. So it should be interesting to try and cram it all in there. More reason to destash I guess. And I can still handsew in the living room...
I've been meaning to post sooner, or even just read and comment. I came back today because I read Merja's post over on Facebook. I miss you guys. I know I can't help come up with a solution, or even really complain if I'm not willing to try and post more myself. That and I miss people. I also like being able to go back and look at things, my thoughts. I'll try and sum up the past 3 months. Its been a doozy.
In July my husband's father sold a piece of property and got a stupid amount of money for it. Well with stupid amount of money you have to reinvest it or you pay a tax of something like half of it. He bought another piece of property, put a large down payment on hubby's sister's new house and told the hubby to look for property. His catch. It couldn't be in California City, the city we were currently in. Because only meth heads and racist live in my town..... ummm okay.... Mind you this is my hometown (as much as a military brat can have one). I live there. My parents live there, and so does my youngest brother. Small town, yes. Crime has gone up a bit as the city has gotten bigger, but it is not some crime filled place. I grumble a bit, but Tehachapi, a town 45 mins away into the mountains has been in the hubby's and I 10 year plan. This will speed things up. I ask if it can wait for my winter break because I really don't need that kind of stress. Nope... it has to be done within 45 days, or he pays that tax. :(
We go to look at houses and the father in law has to be there. And he keeps making comments. Like at least this house doesn't have bars on the windows. WTF! My current house doesn't have bars on the windows. All of this really upsets me because I don't understand why he is looking down so much on where I live. I know I didn't come from a lot of money. I'm cool with that. I've earned every last thing I have. I'm proud of every last accomplishment I have. And frankly I don't need your handout. You can take your house and shove it. Except I can't say that....
And his dad started giving the hubby different numbers. One set of numbers gives us a very nice house in Tehachapi. The other number would be a smaller house than the one I have in Cal city. Why would I go through the stress of moving for a smaller house. Who cares if its in Tehachapi its a smaller house. Except the fact that we are in crime filled needing bars on the windows crap town..... I have the hubby convinced to walk away from the deal. He goes down to talk to his dad and finally we get the whole story.
He took out a loan to finish paying off the original property. The money he got from the sell could not be reinvested in original property, it all had to be in new property. So he had to reinvest $350k still or be taxed, but he only had $200k He needed us to take out a loan and make up the difference. I still don't want to play. I don't trust the man to want to go into any business deal with him, especially if he's not going to be honest from the start. And there's a new catch. My name can't be on it. I'm a gold digger. I walk around like I'm entitled and arrogant. If his dad could have his way I wouldn't be allowed to move into the house. Every insecurity I have is brought out. He even goes as far as to say if the hubby dies I will be on the street. But hubby sees it as a great opportunity. We go around and around. I have never doubted him or our relationship more, and sadly its not so much him but his dad.
We move forward with buying the house. Hubby tries his best to make me feel safe and secure. I'd be lying if I said I was in anyway 100% there. Buying a house is stressful under the best of situations. Nursing school is stressful under the best of situations. I have no clue how I've managed both. Somehow I managed an A in my Psych rotation and I am currently standing at an A in the 2nd Med/Surg. But I'm not sleeping, and I cry a lot. I keep getting told to be grateful, that I have a beautiful house. I can't explain how much I want to just scream at them to shut up. I get that this house is great. But its unsettling to feel like it can all disappear. That none of its mine. Doesn't matter how great it is, when you never feel like you're at home, or that you belong.
I don't know how to make the feeling go away. I don't know if its just a time thing and it blow over. A hard part in our marriage that we can tell the kids about. Laugh about their racist asshole of a grandfather. I know some of it is my own insecurities, but they stem from somewhere. UGH.....
My goal for December is to set up the new sewing room and an office/studio. Maybe when I finally have my own space in the house I will feel better. I no longer have a space in the living room which is where I use to sew. I would watch TV or the hubby playing video games and sew on the machine. The new house is bigger but the living room is shaped different so no good place to set up my table. (which upset me because I felt like again I wasn't meant to be here.) The new sewing room is also smaller. So it should be interesting to try and cram it all in there. More reason to destash I guess. And I can still handsew in the living room...
