llyrafantasyfae | Slight Rant,

gripe, and reasons for why I can't sleep at night....
Reason 1: Still no job.

Reason 2: Hubby and I have hit a really hard patch. We are both jobless and the stress is getting to us. There are other reasons also. We are working on them but this is defintetly a challenging time. I know all marriages go through them, and it will make or break us. It seems like break us more often then not lately, but doesn't it always when you are right in the midst of it.

Reason 3: In the past year or so, someone I considered a great friend slipped out of my life. The hardest part for me is there was no reason. Or at least no reason given, even though I asked. To me this is extremely hurtful. Am I the only one that would prefer to be cussed out and yell at, but at least told what I did wrong??? They just stopped talking to me. We have mutual friends so I still see and hear from/about them which makes me want to cry. They were the kind of friend that I would of done almost anything for and I really valued their friendship. Why does it feel almost like I got broken up with? I have been trying to reason with myself to just get over it but dangit it HURTS!

Reason 4 and probably the main reason for my depression right now: Thanks to the military I was on motrin and naproxen everyday for 5+ years straight. 6 months ago they told me I had decreased kidney function, which no one told me was a side affect of that much motrin use, and they were going to start watching it. About a week ago I got checked again and I dropped another 16 points and am now in Stage 3. While there is a chance it could stop dropping, even gain some points back, in all likely hood I have a couple years left before I will be in full kidney failure. Not the kind of news I expected at 27. In fact it terrifies me. I don't think there is a better word to describe it.

Reason 5: I suffer from depression and also have a minor anxiety disorder... Normally these are well treated by meds. Lately not so much... probably because all of the above reasons. I feel completely and utterly out of control. I have been bottling it all up but I know that doesn't help anything so I figured I would vent. Who knows maybe someone reading knows what I am going through and has some words of wisdom.